The e-mail that broke me (and the mindset that fixed me)

For almost ten months, I kept my eyes locked on what I believed was my dream job at my dream company. I emailed recruiters to ask when the next cohort would open, commented on LinkedIn posts, and reached out to employees just to understand what it was really like to work there. I even attended their recruitment workshops (these were outside my home country ) just to make sure my CV and confidence were razor sharp when the time came.

I made myself known. I told myself: This is it. This is where I belong.

So when I finally got the long-awaited notification that Company X was recruiting in South Africa, I jumped. I tailored my CV and cover letter to match exactly what they were looking for. I took notes from old recruitment recordings, reviewed LinkedIn profiles of current employees, and gathered advice from people who had been hired before. I did everything I possibly could.

Two days after applying, the senior recruiter emailed me: I’d been shortlisted for the competency assessment. Nervous? Absolutely. I gathered more tips, prepared as well as I could, and the day of the test arrived. Two and a half hours. I poured everything into it, polishing that piece of work like a diamond. I submitted in the final seconds and sat there with a strange mix of relief and dread. Did I give it my best?

Fast-forward two weeks. I received another email from the same recruiter: “Unfortunately, your test did not pass…” And this landed exactly two hours before I boarded an 11-hour flight.

My heart dropped. I felt embarrassed, disappointed, and honestly… gutted. Those 11 hours gave me way too much time to attack myself:
Maybe I’m not as good as I thought.
What if I’m unemployed for another year?
Did I waste 12 years of studying?
Did I seriously mess this up?

The imposter syndrome was absolute torture.

But somewhere during that long, exhausting flight, something in me shifted. I wiped my tears. I took a breather, and I reminded myself that no matter how shiny the company is, it does not determine my worth. 

I started thinking about Plan B. I had reached out to Company Y before, so I followed up. Their process is slower, but that’s okay. I’m ready to try again, this time wiser and calmer. And I’m taking these lessons with me:

1. Don’t overthink the brief.

2. Write for the reader, not the reviewer.

3. Perfection is not the goal. Clarity is.

4. Have a plan before diving in.

If this job-hunting journey has taught me anything, it’s this: rejection is redirection.
Every “no” has pushed me closer to understanding who I am, how I work, and what I want.

And honestly, why do we as academics and scientists tear ourselves apart over one setback? Why do we treat every failure like the end of the world? Company X not choosing me doesn’t erase my skills, my ambition, or the years I’ve invested in myself.

I know my worth. I know what I bring to the table.
And I’m slowly learning that the opportunity that's meant for me, will see it too.

Sometimes, the dream isn’t the company you chase for ten months.
Sometimes, the dream is becoming the person who doesn’t give up on herself.